i looked up.

she always pulls off what you
never think she won't do,
slides right into the cracks of
invisible walls and shoes you never had
and does exactly what they all keep
saying you're supposed to--

she comes back.

but while her shoulders are turned,
you hear some say
they prefer things to happen
when she's in absence.

and while her back is turned,
you hear your own
thoughts screaming they
can't do anything when
she's so far away.

so sometimes, i try to plead with them.
but they never understand
that i'm exhausted and my head
won't process what my heart's forgot.
and i know the only reason
i make an effort of this,
is more for you and less for me.
but i'm afraid to admit that.

and it feels as though i've
only mastered half of what she can--
all of "breaks" and never "through".
and i try to get closer to earn
a whole of what it is to recover,
and it takes very little to feel
the strength of her against my skin,
against our skins, continuity.

but she shows in all the places.
and she's needed in all the places.
and she holds in all the places,
that they always understand need and light.
and she tries to get me listening,
tries to get me reaching,
tries to get me being what
all of this might mean.
but the reflection's getting darker,
and the space beside is getting brighter
and i'm pulled along other cobblestones.
away. yearning.

and i know the only reason
i can see her in the face anymore,
is because she's got sky in her eyes,
and that's the single place
that ever really knows me back.

and i've realized that she,
is the one thing i want to be,
yet fear is the one
that will never be close enough
to consume me entirely.